While doing a pre-recorded activity, the instructor said \u201cthink about the things you\u2019re grateful for and spend a minute really feeling it.\u201d People on the program were smiling or crying, but I didn\u2019t feel anything that would translate into those reactions. I didn\u2019t really feel anything as I ran through my list in my head, least of all gratitude. \u201cWhat does gratitude feel like again? Is it something people can conjure?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Most of us have seen the studies about gratitude and the benefits that it can bring to your life. So, what if I can list the usual things that people expect to be on a gratitude list (my husband, my kids, my business, etc), but just listing those things doesn\u2019t help me feel gratitude?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
During coach training at ADDCA, we talked about the paradox of emotions with ADHD. Sometimes, we feel something so intensely that it becomes difficult to re-engage our logic. At other times we can logically work through something, but struggle to connect with it emotionally. Gratitude lists definitely fall into that second category for me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
How do we go about connecting to those emotions?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It helps to recognize what gratitude feels like. The best way I\u2019ve found is to connect to a past memory when I know I experienced gratitude for my situation, or another person, and try to relive that feeling.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A few months ago, my daughter was looking through the photos on the cell phone the kids share. \u201cMom, have you seen this? It looks like a screenshot of a text, but it\u2019s about you\u2026\u201d I looked down and saw a text where my son\u2019s friend said \u201cYour mom is really fat.\u201d My son responded \u201cRude.\u201d The kid sent back \u201cNo really, she\u2019s a cow.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Later that night, I recounted the situation to two of my friends from high school in a group chat. I told them how hurt I was and that I needed to write about it in a place where no one would reassure me that the kid was wrong, which is why I hadn\u2019t talked to anyone else about it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Their responses reminded me how thankful I am to have friends that would listen and respond with love, while honoring my request to avoid countering his words with platitudes. This memory has become my go-to when trying to conjure that feeling of gratitude.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
On good days, I can just think about my friend\u2019s responses and feel gratitude. On days that haven\u2019t been smooth or easy-going, I have to recount the experience with as much detail as possible. I try to remember where I was sitting and how everything around me looked when I read those kind words from my friends.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If I can sit in that feeling and hold onto it, I can start to connect it to the obvious things on my list. I can even use it to add unexpected entries: Mentors that have helped me grow in compassionate and kind ways. (Thank you Jaqui and Diane!) The role of Jason Mraz\u2019s music in my life, which has gotten me through every major situation since 2002. The variety of perspectives that I encounter each day, encouraging me to see the world around me in more nuanced ways. The support of friends and family when I decided to switch careers. The way that a slice of banana cream pie or coconut cream pie can be a tool of nostalgia, because it takes me back to a childhood growing up down the street from an Amish bakery.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Occasionally, the detailed items on my list can conjure the feeling of gratitude without having to tap into those memories, but it\u2019s not consistent yet. Hopefully this process becomes easier with practice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you\u2019ve been struggling to build a gratitude list or practice, I hope this is helpful in getting you started. What memory will you use to connect with the feelings of gratitude?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
While doing a pre-recorded activity, the instructor said \u201cthink about the things you\u2019re grateful for and spend a minute really feeling it.\u201d People on the program were smiling or crying, but I didn\u2019t feel anything that would translate into those reactions. I didn\u2019t really feel anything as I ran through my list in my head, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"set","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.daringpursuitscoaching.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/396"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.daringpursuitscoaching.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.daringpursuitscoaching.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.daringpursuitscoaching.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.daringpursuitscoaching.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=396"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.daringpursuitscoaching.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/396\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":415,"href":"https:\/\/www.daringpursuitscoaching.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/396\/revisions\/415"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.daringpursuitscoaching.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=396"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.daringpursuitscoaching.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=396"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.daringpursuitscoaching.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=396"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}